Saturday, April 17, 2010

Dating tips for men: Post-Divorce Dating Tips for Men

Two College sweet hearts get married at 24, have three kids and ultimately live in a beautiful home in the suburbs. The super couple, you know the ones who always walk hand-in-hand or are the first to hit the dance floor at weddings and other special events, suddenly announce to friends and family they are calling it quits after 16 years. It's a common story.

Yet in today's break-up scenario, it is the women who are falling short in the long-term commitment, looking for something beyond the conventional marriage. In fact, a study commissioned by AARP in 2004 revealed that nationwide, women in their 40s, 50s and beyond now initiate 66 percent of divorces. More than one-fourth of their husbands, the study reported, were astounded because they never saw it coming.

So what we are left with is an onslaught of full-time, hard working men (still wanting to make the relationship work) out on their own for the very first time. How does a single man start over without letting his pride, lack of time or awareness get in the way?

Post divorce pressures are very different for men than they are for women. For the suddenly single guy, introspection, support, life balance and finding reliable help present the biggest challenges. While a vast library of resources is available to women, when it comes to men and divorce it seems we are just setting the precedent.

If you newfound status has thrust you back into the dating scene please know that you are one in a growing number of plenty. Divorce entails a number of transitions and here are some pointers to get your love life back on track:

Come Clean with Your Emotions: It may be natural to experience self-blame, anger, feelings of worthlessness or a shattered self-image as a result of a broken marriage but when it comes to dating, those feelings can be caustic. So before you get back in the game, come clean with your emotions. In a support group you will find people who understand your sadness, with whom you can talk and share experienced in a compassionate environment. If that's not enough, it may be a good idea to enlist a professional counselor or therapist who can help you.

Condition Yourself to Feel Good: Years of marriage may have led to complacency in the body/weight, personal care and fashion departments. But gentlemen, if you want others to find you attractive, then you may need to spend some time cleaning up your act. Make sure your clothes are up-to-date, pay attention to grooming and try to engage in confidence boosting activities or sports that make you feel strong, sexy and secure about you.

Find Someone Else Who is Left Hanging: It is quite common to lose friends and relatives you inherited through your spouse in the divorce settlement. Unfortunately, many suddenly single men have a hard time because they feel isolated and alone when starting over. Just remember it only takes one new buddy to revive a bleak or miserable social life and there's a good chance you will find another divorce casualty if you look around. So don't be shy to make that first move and drop them a lifeline!

Brush Up on Your Skills: Years of matrimony has kept you out of the loop so it's only normal to experience pre-date doubts and jitters. If where to go and what to say have you frazzled, ask some of the singles you know for some pre-dating advice. You can also read up on the latest dating trends, hot spots and protocols at your local bookstore or find them out online.

Make Room for Personal Time: Love will not coming knocking if you are holed up in your apartment or office. So if meeting someone new is what you are looking for, than you have to make it a priority. Schedule time for dates and social events in your agenda and don't let yourself get seduced by the couch, beer or Chinese on those dates even if they seem more enticing.

Spare all the Sordid Details: "T.M.I." In case you don't know this acronym stands for "too much information" which is what you need to avoid if you want to maintain good chemistry and conversation with someone new. When you find yourself in promising situation save the complaints about the divorce settlement and your ex and try focusing all of your attention on the person at hand.

By Sherri Langburt of

Friday, April 16, 2010

Dating Tips: 4 Common Gripes About Asking Women Out and How to Get Over Them

Get over your fear of rejection men! There are so many single men out there who want to find the girl of their dreams but for whatever reason, they are just not asking women out nearly enough. Here are four common male gripes about asking women out and how to get over them.

Man Gripe: How come that guy gets all the girls and I get none?

"The man's desire is for the woman; but the woman's desire is rarely other than for the desire of the man."-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

You don’t have because you don’t ask enough women or you give up too soon. Men, she wants to be wanted! Some guys look at other guys who got the girl and wonder how they did it. 9 times out of 10 it began with the man putting himself out there, asking the woman out. The very act of pursuit and wooing makes men more attractive and gives you an advantage over other men who don’t ask. The man who asks many women out will always have the upper hand over the man who sits on the bench and waits for women to ask him out. I know it gets confusing especially after the feminist movement. Many women feel empowered to ask men out. Good for them. But I guarantee you if you ask any woman, 10 times out of 10 a woman would prefer that a man pursue her instead of the other way around. If men would realize just how attractive they become once we become the object of their desire… they would start asking more women out! It’s a numbers game. The more “no’s” you get, the closer you are to getting a “yes”. It’s a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful thing to be loved by a good woman (ask any man!) so the price you pay is high, and the amount of suffering and rejection you might have to go through is great, but in the end, ultimately, something as wonderful as a woman’s presence and love in your life is worth it.

Man Gripe: Women get annoyed when I ask them out. I feel like I’m bothering them.

"Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked." ~Ovid

Ovid is right. Some women might look annoyed, sound annoyed, maybe even truly be annoyed (only the gorgeous ones who get hit on all the time, and who have the ego the size of a small continent—you don’t want them anyways) but the truth is for the majority of women, it’s a very flattering thing to get asked out or hit on by a man. It reminds us that we still got it. All women are both vain and insecure, to varying degrees. Remember that. You’ll go far. Ask her out. Regardless of her reaction, you can know that most likely, you made her day!

Man Gripe: I’m not attractive, but I like attractive women. I’m just too insecure to put myself out there.
"Few women care what a man looks like, and a good thing too." ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

"A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him." ~Mae West

I think the first thing is to realize that women are different from men. Men are first and foremost turned on visually. Women can appreciate a good looking man, but we are first and foremost turned on emotionally. So when you approach or like a beautiful girl, remember she doesn't think the same way as you do. Instead of thinking "Oh God she's way too pretty for you!' think, "Wow that beautiful woman deserves a good man like me. She deserves to be told daily how beautiful she is. She deserves to be showered with compliments and be loved and cherished."

That's what women need-- to be loved and cherished and adored. Remember, men are looking for the "beauty" in the story. Women are looking for "prince charming." They don't call him "prince handsome" for a reason. It's because there's more than looks that women fall for.

Check out these two couples. These are two (in my opinion) not very good looking men who dated/married AMAZINGLY hot women.

Don't be discouraged! You have more to offer that is in your control than appearance. Still it's important to tweak what you can control: get it shape if you're not, have a clean appearance and good dental hygiene, and dress to gain the respect of women. Looks are not everything, but it is the first thing that gets noticed, so do all you can in your power to make the most of what you can!

Man Gripe: I feel like I’m awkward and just get too nervous to talk to women!

Put yourself out there, even if you feel silly or clumsy about it or feel like you'll look like a nervous wreck. Women secretly love when men look like a nervous wreck when they are declaring their interest for us. It shows we're special, you don't do that very often, you're really into us, and you’re taking a huge risk. Believe me, get out there and get nervous. It’s totally endearing, even if we’re not into you.

Midori is the girl behind Think old fashioned Carrie Bradshaw dishing out mother approved dating advice. She currently resides in Seattle.

Dating Tips- I Hate Planning for a Wedding

Am I the ONLY girl out there who hasn’t been planning this event since I was six and in pigtails?


I’m upset at how businesses and venues and vendors PREY on brides-to-be.

At the mere mention of “wedding” people bump up their prices.

All of a sudden the “event” is no longer just and “event.”

It’s a ‘freakin wedding and now I can’t say “I do” for less than 2 grand at most locales.


I’m venting.

So that is the reason for my absence here.

Because I never knew how stressful and expensive it is to plan a wedding

That’s all I’ve been doing.


I lied.

I wrote a bunch of freelance dating articles too. You can check some of them out here:

Dating Tips : Are You 30-Something and Single?

(There’s something about planning a wedding that kinda sorta really manages to take up all my brain space. So sorry for this long sabbatical.)

Just wanted to share what seems like an interesting documentary, albeit controversial for the traditional girl that I am. What do you think folks? Could you find a “happily ever after” without marriage? Do you need to be the “best version of yourself” before you get married? What do you think about being single in your 30s? Did you get married because it’s what society expected of you at a certain age?


Thursday, April 1, 2010

Dating Tips : Women and Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce

Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the near future. If women who believe that the "divorce discussion" may be lurking, they should make it a point to look for solid signs that their husband will indeed ask for a divorce...then they should plan accordingly.

Women who think that they are signs that her husband may ask for a divorce but haven't thought about it deeply or who think that a divorce would better suit them rather than their husbands, should view the situation realistically and as stoically as possible. This will ensure that plan they take is calculated, logical and will benefit them based on what they want the end result to yield.

Often times women refuse to think that a divorce could happen to them and one day their husband comes home and says "There's something I have been meaning to talk to you about..." or "I think we should get a divorce." or something similar. If the situation has reached this point, its too late for women to start planning for their financial future after divorce.

So what do women who think a divorce is eminent or who want a divorce for themselves do in order to ensure they aren't left in financial ruin?

There's certainly a myriad of tactics that can be used and each woman's situation is different regarding divorce, but here's some tactics that will help:

Women and divorce tactic 1:
Once women validate their own reasons for divorce and are sure that divorce is the right path, they should make a plan and keep it to themselves. They shouldn't let anyone know what they've decided to do. They should not tell their friends, co-workers, or one.

And they certainly shouldn't lead on to their husband that they want a divorce if they are the ones who will be making the first move to end the marriage.

Women and divorce tactic 2:
Women in divorce should realize that the plan they take may require several months to implement and they should be patient and plan logically. Women should learn how much money it would take to support themselves (and children if the situation warrants it), how much money is actually available to them now, and how they can adjust their lifestyle to make sure they can financially survive.

Women and divorce tactic 3:
Women who may be facing divorce should look at the household wills. In some cases, it may be legal to take someone out of a will or put someone into a will without that person knowing.

Women and divorce tactic 4:
Women who want to plan for divorce should try to put away cash in the event something dramatic happens unexpectedly. Bit by bit, putting cash away somewhere in a place that cannot be found by heir husband will allow women to make sure they can survive in the event of "unforeseen circumstances".

Women and divorce tactic 5:
Women who plan on getting divorced should document any events that will strengthen their case against their husband. Occurrences such as physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, and drunken stupors that end in embaraasment or abuse are examples or instances that should be documented because these happeneings strengthen any case the women have against their husband.

Women and divorce tactic 6:
Women who know that divorce is in their future should do all they can to decrease liabilities and increase their access to money. This includes paying down mutual debt, establishing credit of their own if they do not have credit already, and making sure that the mortgage (if there is one) is paid down as much as possible.

Women and divorce tactic 7:
Women who are serious about getting a divorce or who think that their husband might ask for a divorce in the future should gather all documents that have to do with anything financial that has their name listed. They should make a list of all these items with financial institution name, address, account number, balance, interest rate, etc.

Knowing exactly what is at stake financially will help alleviate surprises later.

Planning a divorce can be as painful for women as it can be for men. Generally, women aren't the breadwinners (although things are getting a lot closer to being 'new age' than in previous decades) and getting surprised with divorce papers can have long term financial affects to women who don't plan accordingly and protect themselves financially.

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