Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Getting Over Being Dumped: Tips for Coping with the End of a Relationship

From time to time, relationships go badly wrong. Most of us have been abandoned by a partner at some stage ion life. If not then you are very lucky. It is easier to leave someone than be dumped yourself but if you have been left, then you need to take your time and have a period of mourning before dating again. If a major relationship has ended it will take some time to recover and anyone who suggests you just bounce back is a fool as they are not in touch with the reality of the situation.
Do rely on good friends and do find time for yourself but ultimately it is time that will sort things out for you. Distance from the event and plenty of thinking and pondering will help put things in perspective but I will say that it is generally the case that that particular relationship didn't work out because there are far better things in store for you. If that relationship didn't end, how would you ever go on to meet Mr. or Miss Right?
Accept what has happened and do not try to win your ex back
Never go back to someone once they have left you, it won't work
Take some time out from socializing to get to grips with what has happened
Make time for yourself to do some thinking
Never allow your ex to suggest you will both be good friends
Don't get in touch with, or try and see your ex to sort things out as you are fooling yourself. Once someone has taken such a major step it is usually for good
Remove anything in your apartment that reminds you of them. Have a spring clean
Do not allow your ex back into your house, it's over
If you had shared friends, it will be a difficult period. Be prepared that some people will fall by the way side
Do rely on your best friends for comfort and they should allow you to talk as much as you need.
As soon as you can, come to terms with the loss and realize that you are not going to be single again forever. That will not happen
Do everything you can to rebuild your self confidence and demonstrate to yourself what your ex lost
Never blame yourself. If someone left you it was purely their decision. If they couldn't communicate with you prior to the event it was their own failing
If your ex was unfaithful if has nothing to do with your own bedroom prowess. More their lack of self-respect
Though it is a powerful mood, do not harbor grudges and desire revenge too much. Hurting someone brings you down to their level. The best revenge is in bouncing back and demonstrating how much they actually lost
Learn from the failed relationship, not only about yourself but about what you will never accept again in future dating needs
Lose the photographs. There is no comfort to be found there
Do allow yourself to be angry for a short time. In doing so you will feel empowered to move on
Being rejected hurts so don't allow anyone to tell you otherwise
When you are ready do start socializing again even if dating is some way off
Don't start a new relationship on the rebound, it is highly likely to fail and you will hurt the new person too
Hold your head up high and think only of positive things where possible
Sometimes it is necessary to move location or job to recover. If this is the case, it will herald a fresh start
Don't email/phone your ex or look for reasons because you will often be lied too. They will try and spare your feelings (laughably) by avoiding what they really think
Take a vacation if you can and get a wider sense of perspective. This includes meeting new people and making new friends
Don't go to your old haunts secretly hoping to run into your ex. That is a recipe for disaster and will prolong the healing process
Eventually, do treat yourself and buy new clothes and even change your image slightly to get a fresh feel for things. A new haircut can do wonders and instill a new sense of confidence
Be patient and take your time with anything. Ultimately in the years that follow you will feel strong and confident and will go on to have a beautiful relationship. Just thank your lucky stars it wasn't with the fool who just walked out the door
Never make rash decisions in the days after being dumped. This is not the time for clarity of judgment. Your friends will help you.


Disordinedeimedici March 18, 2009 at 5:26 AM  

ciao dall'italia

Gregg Michaelsen April 4, 2012 at 8:15 AM  

I agree. getting over a break up is a huge challenge. But once you've gotten over this challenge, you'll be a much stronger man.